I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
