do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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