Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
