Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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