I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
