she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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