He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
