I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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