You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
