my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A+ Viking dick
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
