Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
