I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
