Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Two words: nipple clamps
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