I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
