I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
