omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
