Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this just has baby written all over it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
