Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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