You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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