You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
