all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
