I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
