Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The uberlube is also flammable
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
