Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
