glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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