I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
