listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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