just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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