I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
