at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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