how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
