Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
