id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
