You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
