I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i came on her dog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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