Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
