Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
