Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
