ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
