The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
