Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
