The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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