my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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