I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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