i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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