...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
