We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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