idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
