So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
