im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
