uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
