i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
