I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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