Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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