i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude. I can hear the air.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
