He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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