quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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