My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
