I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
