ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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