erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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