yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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