He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
