C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
