Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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