My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
