does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
