My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
