I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
