Me too!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
