Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
