you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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