I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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