Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
