Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
